The News We Didn’t Want: Finding Hope and Support Through a Life-Changing Diagnosis

Well, here it is—the blog post I didn’t want to write. Last week, we got the results of Tom’s biopsy, and the news was not what we had hoped or prayed for. The prostate cancer Tom has is the aggressive kind, which means we can no longer pursue a path of active surveillance. Instead, we’ll need to move forward with treatment.

While we were hoping for a non-aggressive type so that the diet and lifestyle changes could remain our primary focus, the cancer’s staging has shifted our course of action. Tom will have a PET scan (once insurance authorizes it) to determine if the cancer has begun to spread, which could further influence our plans. After consulting with a few doctors, we’ll decide on the best course of treatment.

I know that sharing this news will bring an outpouring of suggestions, advice, and well-meaning ideas on what we “should” do. I also know that these come from a place of love and care for Tom, and for that, we are so grateful. That said, I want to assure everyone that we have assembled a medical team we trust, including both traditional and holistic practitioners. We are informed, empowered, and prayerfully moving forward with the plan that feels right for Tom’s unique situation.

What we would warmly welcome from you is your love, encouragement, and prayers. As we step into this next phase of treatment, those are the gifts that mean the most to us.

In addition, I want to share a few suggestions for how you can come alongside someone who is walking a similar road. This season has been an eye-opening one for me, and I’ve learned so much about what is genuinely helpful (and what sometimes isn’t) when supporting loved ones navigating a life-changing illness.

How to Support Someone Facing a Life-Changing Diagnosis

1. Pray for Them

   Prayer is one of the most powerful and meaningful ways you can offer support. Whether you pray for healing, peace, wisdom for their decisions, or strength for their family, it’s a gift that brings comfort and hope. Let them know you’re praying—it reminds them they’re not alone in this journey.

2. Listen Without Offering Unsolicited Advice

   While it’s natural to want to share ideas or suggestions, sometimes the best thing you can do is simply listen. Allow them to share their feelings, fears, or frustrations without jumping in to “fix” things. If they want advice, they’ll ask.

3. Offer Practical Help

   Life doesn’t stop after a diagnosis, and everyday tasks can quickly become overwhelming. Offer specific, tangible ways to help, such as cooking a meal, running errands, babysitting, or driving to appointments. Avoid vague offers like, “Let me know if you need anything,” which can put the burden on them to reach out.

4. Be Sensitive with Your Words

   Avoid phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least it’s not worse.” While well-intentioned, these can feel dismissive. Instead, say things like, “I’m here for you” or “I’m praying for strength and healing for you.”

5. Respect Their Decisions

   Every journey with illness is different, and so are the decisions that come with it. Even if you might choose a different course of treatment, respect their autonomy and trust that they’re making the best decisions for their unique situation.

6. Be Consistent in Your Support

   It’s easy to reach out when someone first shares difficult news, but their journey may be long and require ongoing support. A simple text, card, or call to check in can mean the world, especially during quieter moments when they may feel forgotten.

7. Celebrate Small Wins

   Facing a serious illness can feel overwhelming, so celebrate progress and victories, no matter how small. Whether it’s a good test result, a day of feeling better, or simply getting through a tough week, your encouragement can help them see the light in the darkness.

   
   

We don’t yet know what lies ahead, but we’re trusting in God’s plan and leaning on His strength to guide us through this season. This diagnosis did not come as a surprise to God, so we continue to place our hope in Him as we follow His plan for our lives. Thank you for walking alongside us with your prayers, love, and understanding. I’ll do my best to keep you updated on Tom’s progress and the steps we’re taking to move forward.

Gratefully,

Betsy